I found some comfy chairs in a private little nook while Robert went to order coffee. The next thing I know, a guy sits down in the chair opposite me. He's not just a stranger, but a strange stranger, and he's sitting in the third chair in the private nook. Now, I can't exactly tell him someone is sitting there, but I'm sending him mental messages to get the hell out of that chair. My telepathy is not working tonight. Must be the rain....
Robert brings the coffee and sits in the chair beside me. He begins to log in to his computer and do whatever it is he does on there, so I follow his lead and log in to mine to begin checking emails and Facebook, etc.
It is then that this stranger decides to introduce himself. He says his name is Roger and he asks if we are married. I introduce myself and answer politely, still trying to get my telepathy to work. I go back to my laptop and think nothing more of it. Roger continues talking, I continue ignoring, and then he begins telling Robert how lucky he is and how beautiful I am. Wtf? Take a hint, dude.
Robert begins talking to Roger, and it is then that I realize I must be in an alternate universe. I begin looking for the escape hatch, while pinching myself hoping that this is a nightmare. They continue talking, I keep giving Robert the evil eye, and Roger never shuts up.
After 20 minutes, Roger steps away to get another coffee, and I try to convince Robert to leave. He's in the middle of a marathon poker session, and there's no getting him to leave. Roger comes back with some literature about September 11 being an inside job, President Bush and Sarah Palin being the devil, the need to arm myself and my home with AK-47's and so on. I tell him I am not a conspiracy theorist, that I voted for Bush twice, and that I like Sarah Palin. The look on his face is priceless - a mixture of shock and horror, with a little "I just smelled a skunk" thrown in. Still, he presses on, trying to convert me from sane to crazy. At this point, we're in a full-blown disagreement, and I'm ready to GO!
All the while, Robert is playing poker, Roger is telling me I'm so beautiful, and I'm thinking he wants to sell us both on the black market. I'm starting to think Starbucks should do background checks.
After a few weeks pass (or about an hour), Roger finally decides to leave (after handing his new bff Robert his contact information.) I just stare at my husband like I've never seen him before. His response? "You always say I'm rude, so tonight I decided to be polite." Not the time, dude, not the time.
Needless to say, I will no longer frequent that particular Starbucks. Just seeing those chairs in the nook would traumatize me....
